franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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