I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
