This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
