take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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