He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
