I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
