I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
