I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Where did you get a picture of my penis
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
