You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
