It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
