just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
