Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize