you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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