it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
