i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
