Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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