She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
