how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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