Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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