Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize