Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
