dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
