so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
