i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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