i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
birth control should be required to get into college
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
