I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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