FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
