I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
