I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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