i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think your dad took our porno
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
