wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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