half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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