my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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