Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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