2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
