I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
