Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
