I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
