If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
