i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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