I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
