What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
