tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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