So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
