Already got asked if we're dating
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
