Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I will pee on everything he values.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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