Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Shame - the story of my life.
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