i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
