Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
