Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
