Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I CAN MOONWALK!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
