a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
