I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
