your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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