your thong is hanging out like whoa
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
They have beer where we have blood.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
