her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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