Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
