OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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