I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do vagina's smell?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
