I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
