He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize