Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
