I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
