they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
