My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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