Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I party with great urgency now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
