PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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