Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
