if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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