I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
