I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
