I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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