rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Let's get the cat blown out
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
