Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
