i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
