worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
