the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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