Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
