I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
