Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my sisters under your porch take her home
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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