I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
