Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
