pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
