this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
