I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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