would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
foreskin is a definite game changer
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
