i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
