just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
