new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
