I heard we made out
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
