I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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