Jerry, you need to find god
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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