dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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