I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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