the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
