so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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