Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
