david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
as a side note pls kill me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
